i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
