Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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