OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
