Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
