Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
