Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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