why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
