Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize