just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
