i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
