The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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