dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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