New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
