Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
