I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
