my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
True college students do jello shots in the library
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