Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
