you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize