You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
