At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
