i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
