dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
