so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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