margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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