careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
