wakey wakey hands off snakey
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
