No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
