the condom got lost in my hair
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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