I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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