Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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