he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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