:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize