I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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