You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
