every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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