everyone is single if you try hard enough
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
