For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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