And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize