I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
