you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Randomize
