Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize