I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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