I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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