I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I got her a Nickelback box set.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
