All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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