Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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