Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
