If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
