Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
