This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
