New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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