i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
