You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
