I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
