I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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