do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
