another moral hangover. fuck.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
