Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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