Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize