a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Panties = found
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