Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i out mim tonsoeep
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