Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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