So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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