It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
