I just threw up on my dentist
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
