I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
