nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize