i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
