I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
