I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
