He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize