also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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