Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
