If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
