I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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