ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
