dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
