I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
