haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
