he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
