don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
