this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
