Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Houston, we have a blender
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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