sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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