called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
