the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
